Anxiety: You Suck!

IMG_4035For the past few days, I’ve been getting what I would call minor anxiety attacks. They seem to really come out of nowhere and for no reason. Well, that’s not quite right. There is a reason: coronary artery disease.

The attacks started the first part of the week and have become more frequent as the week goes by. I mentioned them to my doctor the other day and he told me it’s natural and he didn’t seem overly concerned about. The worse attacks have happened in the middle of the night and have been keeping me up for an hour or two.

Yesterday, I got two attacks at work. One at lunch time and another as I was leaving work to go home. By yesterday afternoon I was having doubts about going to Indiana for the Indy 500 mini marathon and then going on to visit family in Muncie Indiana. On my drive home from work I called my wife to talk about it with her. Of course, she was supportive but in the end it was my decision. Once I got home, I called my son-in-law to talk to him about it. My daughter and he are meeting me in Indy because the original intention was all three of us would run the mini marathon. He too was supportive. It wasn’t too much longer after that I got a call from my daughter and we talked about it some more. She told me to go with your gut. Before the end of our conversation I did just that and decided to cancel the trip.

I went online to start canceling as many reservations as I could. I was able to cancel the motel reservations in Indianapolis and the car rental for the trip, but I couldn’t cancel the motel reservation in Muncie. And of course there was no way to cancel the flight reservation.

At this very moment, my clock says it’s 7 AM on Friday morning. The exact time my flight was to take off on its first leg to Indianapolis. I slept through the night without a single anxiety attack. I’m disappointed. I was looking forward to hanging out with my daughter and her family, visiting my family in Muncie and seeing a few friends from my high school days. Oh, and eating Pizza King pizza. If you ever lived in the Muncie Indiana area you know what I’m talking about. But…  once I get through the surgery I will have other opportunities. I know that but it doesn’t make it any easier. It’s not easy but I have to take this one day at a time. This too shall pass.

Author: rhannon

run, running, music

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